I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage. We all do, because few of us enter marriage knowing instinctively how to be a “good” spouse. That’s part of the deal. If both spouses turn into the marriage to battle the rough patches, a real marriage is born. When one partner turns away, however, all bets are off.
What happens when one spouse turns away and the other doesn’t know it?
For years, I was fighting my husband’s sex addiction but didn’t know it. It was as if I’d been blindfolded and thrust unknowingly into a high stakes game. He not only made all the rules, but was taking advantage of the blindfold to outwit and outplay me in a game I didn’t even know I’d entered. Nothing made sense but why would it? There’s no such thing as a fair fight when the opponent is invisible.
To add to the confusion, his consistent game strategy was to remain eerily calm at all times, while calling me crazy, demanding, unreasonable, incapable, ungrateful, overly emotional, and more. Is it any wonder I became someone I neither recognized nor liked – I became passive aggressive, angry, anxious, withdrawn, and defensive. Unfair games will do that to a person.
And then, one August night, the blindfold was removed. Suddenly I understood that my actions were predictable reactions – reactions to an insanity beyond my comprehension. As I was thrust into “after”, I finally had proof of what I’d known all along: I was not crazy.