Sex Addiction: The Invisible Opponent

I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage. We all do, because few of us enter marriage knowing instinctively how to be a “good” spouse. That’s part of the deal. If both spouses turn into the marriage to battle the rough patches, a real marriage is born. When one partner turns away, however, all bets are off.

What happens when one spouse turns away and the other doesn’t know it?

For years, I was fighting my husband’s sex addiction but didn’t know it. It was as if I’d been blindfolded and thrust unknowingly into a high stakes game. He not only made all the rules, but was taking advantage of the blindfold to outwit and outplay me in a game I didn’t even know I’d entered. Nothing made sense but why would it? There’s no such thing as a fair fight when the opponent is invisible.

To add to the confusion, his consistent game strategy was to remain eerily calm at all times, while calling me crazy, demanding, unreasonable, incapable, ungrateful, overly emotional, and more. Is it any wonder I became someone I neither recognized nor liked – I became passive aggressive, angry, anxious, withdrawn, and defensive. Unfair games will do that to a person.

And then, one August night, the blindfold was removed. Suddenly I understood that my actions were predictable reactions – reactions to an insanity beyond my comprehension. As I was thrust into “after”, I finally had proof of what I’d known all along: I was not crazy.

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2 thoughts on “Sex Addiction: The Invisible Opponent

  1. Susan, I just came across your blog (thanks you Jangled sharing this post on her blog), and wow, your writing so very closely resonates with me. I’m going through just now what you went through ten years ago (I read all your posts in one sitting – please come back and keep writing!), and it is so very helpful to read your words. It is like they are coming right out of my own heart, my own shattered soul. I hope you are at a much better place now – I’m sorry the lying never stops but that will not change the fact that you are an extremely strong and healthy woman. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Like

    • Hello there, my sweet reader! Thanks so much for your comments. I can’t tell you how it warms my heart to know that my words mean something.

      The path you’ve begun traveling is a lonely one. I’m so sorry. I remember the isolation of knowing that no one really understood me. Please know that many of us have gone before you, and you will survive and even thrive.

      But ….. it won’t be easy. Hang in there, believe in yourself, and start practicing more self-care than you think you need. Your mind and body have undergone significant trauma, and they both need rest! Hugs to you!

      Liked by 1 person

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