I sat on the fence waaaayyyyy too long.

Plan A was divorce. Plan B was staying married to a sex addict. Both options sucked.

I desperately wanted a Plan C where everyone lives happily ever after. I wanted to go back to “before” and forget everything that had happened. I struggled with denial because this problem was too big to grasp all at once.

I thought if we worked hard enough we could overcome his sex addiction. (“we” lol) We separated. We went to counseling, together and separately. We attended weekend workshops. He became a leader at his 12-step meetings. He disclosed (some of) his actions. He professed his sorrow.

And he kept cheating.

Before I knew it, days became years. I never sincerely re-entered the marriage after his first disclosure. I knew it wasn’t safe, and I knew it never would be. So why did I stay so long? Fear – plain and simple fear.

Now, so many years later, I can barely tell you what I was afraid of. I’m no longer able bodied and live in a tiny condo on a tiny disability check, far away from the country club. Tomorrow is uncertain, and yet I am at peace. I am no longer being  emotionally, spiritually, and financially abused.

Now that I am disabled, it seems crazy that I was trapped by fear when I was able to work, travel, and actively pursue a wonderful life. Because even disabled, I’m still OK.

What are you afraid of? No, really. What are you afraid of? Are any of those fears really worse than wasting your one precious life on an emotionally bankrupt cheater? I think you deserve better. I know I did.