I spent 5 years in and out of divorce court, and I just got served a summons again today.
In the immediate aftermath of discovering my husband’s sex addiction, I was advised to either file for divorce immediately or get a post-nup. I instead tried to salvage the marriage, which accomplished only one thing: I gave my him time to regain his composure and go on the offensive. He’d already assaulted my very being, now he was going for the gold.
You see, you don’t just leave a narcissistic sex addict. There will be payback. There has to be payback so he can become “great guy” again. Unfortunately, the surest way back to “great guy” is down a road called “Discredit and Destroy your Ex”.
These men have repeatedly proven they are above laws and oaths. Why on earth do we believe they will suddenly do the right thing, even if that thing is court-ordered. They are not willing because they sincerely believe they are the victims ….. and no victim should be required to follow orders with which he disagrees, right?
You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen how a narcissistic sex addict prepares for court. No detail is too small, no lie is too big. Remember, these are men who carefully crafted secret lives for decades. Crafting a little story for court is child’s play. Court is their home turf; a grand stage on which to perform their deceptions. You’ll see the charm ooze like you’ve not seen since you dated. Of course now it will be mixed with crocodile tears at all the right times.
If you are awarded anything in the divorce proceedings, expect to have to fight to get it; then expect to have to fight to keep it. Then expect him to keep coming for more. These men don’t considered marital property to be joint. It’s all theirs and they let you use it as long as you play by their rules, which are “sit down, shut up, and do it my way”.
There is no “winning” against a personality disordered man. Remember how long it took you to discover who he really is? … and you were living with him. If you think a judge has a chance of comprehending, given only a few hours, you are sadly mistaken.
We’d fare better in the criminal court system, where the judges have more experience with sociopaths, psychopaths, and other demented persons.