1. Get the Facts about Sex Addiction – it’s NOT your fault!
A sex addict’s behavior usually starts when something “twists” his* sexuality as a child. No 8 year old just magically decides to perform sexual acts because it seems like a good idea. Something warped that kid, long before you ever met. According to studies of sex addicts, it was most likely sexual abuse and/or a father with the same addiction.
2. Get a Counselor who is Comfortable with Anger.
Anger is an appropriate and predictable response to finding out the depth of deception that affects every aspect of your life. Sex addiction is way beyond simple betrayal. Of COURSE you are angry! You can either express that anger or it will go underground to destroy you from the inside out – depression is a given and illness can often result.
3. Get Comfortable with the Word “Abuse”.
Sex addiction includes insidious, willful, premeditated abuse. No matter how deeply you wish “I could go back to the way it was before”, you can never go back…. and that reality sucks. Coming to grips with abuse takes time as your blinders slowly melt away.
4. Get a Witness.
As the sex addict desperately tries to stuff everything back into his sick little compartmentalized life, he will make vows, swear promises, and even declare complete honesty – sometimes with a list of “all” his infractions. Make no mistake: this honesty will be short lived, incomplete, and there will be no record of it unless you create one! Trust me on this: you’ll need a record!
5. Get a Bulldog Attorney (even if you plan to stay!)
These men are gifted liars who specialize in false realities. If you think you won’t be discredited and further abused in the divorce process, think again. A man who risks your life and the wellbeing of you and your children will think nothing of lying and blaming you in order to keep “his” money and things. If you plan to stay, get a post-nuptial agreement.
Continued tomorrow. See 6-10 here.