Continued from yesterday. See 1 – 5 here.
6. Get your spouse to admit his addiction to the children during the small window of opportunity!
The truth is VERY painful for the children of sex addicts. If they hear it from only you, they may begin to doubt it over time as the addict usually crafts a(nother) false reality to present to the children. It’s the old “repeat something often enough and people will eventually believe it”. If your children are too young, get it in writing to share with them at an appropriate time/age. All of this is, of course, with appropriate professional help.
7. Get One or Two Trustworthy Confidants.
There’s a huge difference between curiosity and concern. Many people will ask you questions. Few will actually care. Most will be looking for tidbits that make them feel better about their own situations or, worse yet, provide a good laugh at their next girls’ night out. You would do well to keep the curiosity seekers at bay.
8. Get a New Friend Who Has Walked this Path Before You.
Don’t expect those who’ve never lived through a spouse’s sex addiction to understand your battle or accept that you really didn’t know . You will have to rest in the knowledge that many of us have gone before you, survived, and tell the same story: I. Didn’t. Know! We fell victims to gifted deceivers – because we were trusting.
9. Get Tested for STD’s
Tell your doctor the truth. Get tested. Enough said.
10. Get Back in Touch with Your True Self.
You will never be the same – but consider who you were: You were an abused woman living in darkness and confusion. If you’re anything like me, you also became someone you neither recognized nor liked as you attempted, prior to disclosure, to make sense of that horrible feeling that “something isn’t right”.
On the other side of all this mess, you get to be who you really are; who you were before an abuser systematically dismantled you in a sick attempt to make himself whole. He will likely never be whole. But you will. You always were.