The sad truth about divorcing a sex addict/sociopath is this: You may never get what the court orders.
I didn’t believe that. Instead, I battled through 7 years of court to get what was rightfully mine in the first place. It ended up costing me more than I got.
It all ended with a(nother) letter from my ex, which basically stated: Take this pittance that I’ve calculated and go away, ….. or else.
Or else what? Or else he’d appeal, countersue, and continue to take me to court until we both had nothing left and he became “inactionable”. This from the father of my children.
Easy for him to say. He remarried for money, then inherited enough to last him the rest of his life – none of which could be considered in the divorce. He didn’t have to destroy me; that was just for sport and to claim that he was right.
Divorce is a serious game to personality disordered sex addict. They will fight like a cornered animal when their reputation is on the line. You can continue to meet in court, or you can do it the sex addict’s way at the very beginning.
I foolishly thought my ex, who had defied laws of nature, reason, man and God throughout our marriage, would suddenly comply with authority. I was wrong.
It cost me my finances, my health, relationships with friends who could no longer watch my shit show, my sanity (for a time), self-respect, and so much more.
If I could go back…..
I’d leave the second he said “I think I might be a sex addict”. Turns out he had already blown thru hundreds of 2nd chances every time he screwed another whore or blew another man at a nudist colony.
I’d get a court-ordered lie detector test. Witnesses and documentation will matter GREATLY in the years to come, especially if you have children together! Me asking for the test didn’t work. A counselor suggesting the test before he was allowed time with his children didn’t work. Go for the court order!
I’d take whatever I could get, which would essentially be whatever pittance he offered. There is no “winning” or even “negotiating” with a personality disordered man. Given the chance, they’d rather destroy you.
I’d never look back, knowing that I was lucky to escape without being annihilated in the process.
But then, all I had at the time was some sketchy superficial diagnosis of “sex addict” and promises that our marriage could be better than ever. And so, I forgive myself and keep moving ahead.